


Changing With the Times

by Neutralmilkhoe



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Closeted Character, JUST GUYS BEIN DUDES, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Porn With Plot, Smut, porn with some plot?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:00:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28002783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neutralmilkhoe/pseuds/Neutralmilkhoe
Summary: After Steve reunites with Bucky, he begins to question if their relationship more than they make it out to be. The two struggle to label their feelings in accordance with 21st century norms.It’s smut. Go fetch.
Relationships: Stucky
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	1. Guilt

Bucky was a living, breathing time machine. Despite the few weeks it had taken him to settle in, Bucky being in Steve’s apartment was like regaining the use of a limb. Steve hadn’t realized how much he had lost- how much he’d missed out on- until Bucky was right in front of him, talking like no time had passed at all. 

At first, Bucky had been given his own place to lay low at SHIELD headquarters, a small, bare-walled studio apartment, but after one too many sleepovers at Steve’s place, he had officially moved out. Steve’s place was cozier, not to mention the fact that the fridge was always full and the dishes were always done (though laundry was Bucky’s job, now). The real reason, which they both understood, was that both of them were lonely. Being without each other was intolerable before, but it was almost made worse when they were both technically able to see each other but held back by arbitrary things such as the time of day, or the weather, or a day of errands. Bucky had offered to sleep on the couch, but retracted the statement when it was time to settle down for the night. He knew what they both wanted. He gave it. 

The two had been sleeping in the same bed for over half their lives. It was stupid to assume that Steve had moved on from that. Still, Steve had been living in this age for much longer. Perhaps there were some habits that they would need to leave in the past. 

Steve settled into bed, waiting for Bucky to change from a late mission. He flicked through movies on his laptop, uninterested by most of them. This caliber of entertainment had been exciting for a while, but after he’d completed every list of “the best movies in history” and started every new TV show he could get his hands on, he’d become kind of numb to it all. It was too much, now, to the point where it was hardly worth it. Though, Bucky enjoyed it well enough, and the experience was vastly improved when he was there. 

He heard Bucky step out of the shower in the next room over and called out to him. “Have I shown you Alien?” 

“Yeah, you have.” Bucky called back. 

“That’s what I thought. What about the second one?”

“Hm. Think so. In the same night.” 

Steve continued to scroll. “Groundhog Day?” 

Bucky huffed. “Nat says it’s boring. Says I shouldn’t let you rope me into watching it.”

Steve laughed, shaking his head. “She’s probably right. What do you want?”

Bucky emerged from the bathroom, hair still wet, in a t-shirt and sweatpants. 

“Sit up. You’ll get my pillow wet.” Steve warned him, glancing back down at his computer. 

“Aw, Stevie, but my back aches.” Bucky knew that he was playing a game. Steve didn’t mind. He’d let Bucky get away with anything if he begged hard enough, and vice versa. 

“Get a hairdryer.” Steve mumbled, passing the laptop to Bucky, having given up. 

“Get a new pillow. Don’t really feel like watching much.” Bucky slumped down, letting his hair dampen the entire pillow. He passed the laptop back to Steve, who was trying his best to remain stern. 

“You’re probably tired, huh?”

“Just a bit.” Bucky stretched, getting himself comfortable. 

Steve couldn’t help but laugh at the sight as he stood up to put on a record. “Look at us. Remember when you’d come home from work, before? You’d be burnt all over and ready to pass out, and I’d keep you up a little bit longer because I wanted to play the a-side of something at full volume?”

“Yeah. Only difference is that we own a working shower nowadays. I can’t imagine how I used to smell.” Bucky laughed in response, closing his eyes for a moment. He tried to imagine himself back there, but he couldn’t. The bed was too soft. The place was too warm. 

“I just did it to spend a little bit more time with you, you know. You were out so often, then, and I was stuck in that cold apartment all day. I had all the time in the world to memorize those records.” Steve started the music and settled back into the bed.

“Mhm. I know.” Bucky muttered, leaning onto Steve’s shoulder. 

“There’s no song in the world better than your company.” Steve said, before picking up the book on his bedside table, turning to his page. “You’re free to go to sleep, if you want. I think I’ll read.” 

Bucky simply nodded, and there was a minute or two of silence between them. 

“Hey, Steve?”

“Mhm?” Steve closed the book, his thumb between the pages in order not to lose his spot. 

“Speaking of that tiny apartment- remember those nights, and the ones in that tent during the war?” Bucky hinted, head still on Steve’s shoulder. 

Steve nodded, understanding immediately. “Go ahead. I won’t disturb you. So long as you don’t expect me to join.” He flipped his page, paying little attention to Bucky. 

The two had been left in tight quarters together practically since they had been born. They weren’t exactly shy, especially when it came to more intimate matters. Bucky had seen Steve’s body in every state, and surprisingly, Steve had never been bothered by it. Bucky had never expected anything from Steve. He had never demanded any change. 

When it came to everything else to do with their bodies, there was always some heterosexual explanation. They didn’t have hot water for the shower. They were in a freezing tent together for weeks. It was habit. It had never been anything resembling real sex, of course. Mostly masturbating together, some drunk kissing. A few times, Steve had actually touched Bucky’s cock, but it was mostly out of curiosity, he told himself. He could touch him other places while he masturbated, sometimes. His side, his stomach, sometimes his thighs. Those were fine. He was helping. None of it was for his own pleasure. Bucky had done the same. If they needed to get off, there was no point in waiting. They were comfortable enough together that this was commonplace. 

Still, to have it happen for the first time in years was enough to kick Steve’s heart into gear. He swallowed, trying not to focus on Bucky’s belt sliding off, on his hand rubbing himself through his boxers. 

He focused on his book. Read every word ten times over. 

Jesus, Bucky was playing a long con. This was a game, too. He wanted Steve to look. He wanted an audience. 

His breath was heavy now, tiny moans coming out of him as he stroked himself longer and heavier through the fabric. 

Steve could feel himself light up red. “For someone who was too tired to watch a movie, you’re sure taking your time on this.”

Bucky dragged his hand up his stomach, laying off himself. “Thought you were reading?”

“I am.” Steve insisted. 

“What’s goin’ on, then? In the book.” Bucky’s voice was raspy, low. 

Steve tried to stammer out an answer. 

“I don’t care if you watch, Stevie.” 

Steve needed no further instruction. He put the book down on his bedside table and leaned on his side, eyes on Bucky’s face, first. 

Bucky’s fingers were light, easing himself into it, before grinding into his hand. With a grunt, he finally pulled his boxers down around his ass, grabbing the base of his cock eagerly. 

Steve felt pleasure stir in the pit of his stomach. He tried to keep his breathing natural, though it was difficult. That wasn’t his only growing problem, though. Steve had yet to change out of his jeans, and they were becoming downright painful. Still, there was still some kind of shame he felt at joining Bucky, so he ignored the pain and continued to watch. 

Bucky’s hips were barely within his own control now, fucking his hand as if it was the most goddamn sensual thing on this planet. Steve couldn’t help it anymore. He repositioned himself, making sure to keep his bottom half under the blankets, before placing a hand on Bucky’s chest. Bucky nodded, and Steve began to slide it down, until it was resting on his hip. Not his ass, his hip. It was safe to touch him here. It didn’t make Steve question anything about himself. He was just touching Bucky in a place he’d touched him a thousand times. 

Bucky’s metal hand, which had lay idle at his side this entire time, reached down to play with his balls. A rush of blood entered Steve’s cock. It was aching desperately, almost impossible to ignore. Steve clenched his jaw and put the hand on Bucky’s thigh. As close as possible to Bucky’s own hands, which were speeding up considerably. 

Then, Bucky inched his shirt up with the metal arm and came on his stomach, exhaling sharply and falling back as if every muscle in his body had given out. He lay there, eyes closed for a moment, breathing hard. 

“Let me get something to clean you up, stay there-“ Steve began. 

“You’re alright. I need to head to the bathroom anyways.” Bucky nodded, standing up cautiously. 

Steve didn’t know when the record had stopped playing. Time hadn’t seemed to pass. He changed into his pyjamas while Bucky was in the bathroom, which helped his situation a tiny bit. When Bucky returned, Steve was already tucked into bed, ready to sleep.

“Thanks for that.” Bucky muttered, slipping into the other side of the bed. 

“No problem. G’night.”

“Good night.” 

Though, Steve couldn’t sleep. There was too much pressing on his mind.


	2. Some Time To Think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one isn’t horny but it sure is here! Idk why I’m obsessed w ppl washing their hair but it’s come up twice in this fic and even I’m confused.

The next time it happened, it was a Sunday afternoon. Steve mumbled something about being late for a meeting and left the apartment, beet red and trying to think of anything but Bucky. He headed straight for Nat’s place. 

He wasn’t sure if she’d be home, as she tended to keep her affairs pretty private, but he knocked anyways. Luckily enough, the door clicked open, and Nat was there, alone and in the middle of what looked like deep conditioning her hair. Perfect. 

“You look... flustered.” Nat observed, letting Steve in before flopping back onto her couch. 

“Very observant.” 

Nat sighed, glancing at the time. “I take it you’re here for girl advice. Something of that nature.”

“Has Bucky been bothering you with that?” Steve laughed, almost forgetting who he was avoiding for a moment. 

“No, he just comes around here to fight me. And to watch Russian soap operas. Sometimes. Figured that he was the one bothering you with that.” Nat told him, matter-of-factly. 

“Huh? Wait, what do you mean? What has he-“ Steve stuttered, caught off guard. Had Bucky been telling Nat what he was up to? Did they laugh about it over Russian soaps? Steve cursed himself for not taking up a language in high school. 

“Y’know, now that he’s back he’s going to be on your ass again about getting a girlfriend. He always was. You’ve told me that. I’ll bet that he thinks you’re still wallowing over Peggy.” Nat teased. 

“And what do you think?” There was some hesitation in Steve’s voice. He wanted to trust her, but he didn’t want anything he said to go straight to Bucky. 

Nat raised an eyebrow, leaning back into the couch. “You really want to know?”

“Yeah.” 

“I think you’re gay, Steve.” 

Steve stood in stunned silence for a moment, realizing that he’d been on guard in Nat’s doorway for too long. He hadn’t even taken off his shoes. Come to think of it, he could just turn and leave, maybe catch a bus to clear his head, take a walk around SHIELD headquarters. Anywhere but his apartment and anywhere but here. 

Steve decided against it. He couldn’t keep running from this forever. “That’s... actually what I came here to talk to you about.”

“Huh. Let me wash my hair out.”

Steve took a seat and waited as the water ran in the next room, thinking it all over. It was painful, sure, but something inside of Steve told him that it was right. 

“Alright, I’m back. C’mere.” Natasha sat back down, hair wet, and pulled Steve into the tightest hug. 

Steve pulled away first, feigning a smile. 

“So, what’s the problem?”

“It’s complicated. Been going on for a while, really. It just hasn’t seemed strange until... now. People are open about their experiences and they just sound more and more familiar. And that’s scary, because I always thought that I’d wake up one day and all of my feelings for him would just magically disappear. Now I’m beginning to think that neither of us are going to grow out of it. But I’m still terrified. I still don’t know if what I’m feeling is attraction or even if what he’s doing is... a sign. Maybe he’s just horny. I mean, he hasn’t been with anyone for over seventy years, of course he’s horny. Still, he told me that I could watch.” Steve rambled, talking more to himself than to Nat. 

“Definitely sounds like he wants you to have something to do with it.” Nat offered, not sure if Steve would even hear her. 

“I don’t know, we’ve been doing it together for forever. Maybe he’s just used to it.” Steve replied. 

“How far has it gotten?”

Steve blinked. “Kissing, a few times. Drunk. We’ve... helped each other out a few times, so to speak, but never anything too intimate. I touched him last time. Just on the leg. And the hip. He let me.”

Nat nodded. “Sounds like both of you want it, just neither of you want to be the one to bring it up. Try asking him if you can go further next time. Nothing groundbreaking, just see what he’s up for.”

“I wouldn’t know how to answer if he asks me anything more. If he wants to know about my sexuality.” Steve muttered. 

“That’s fine. You don’t have to label anything. If anything, bring it up casually. Impersonally. Watch a show or a movie, read a news article, get his general opinion before you make it about you. You have the chance to have something really special. Don’t fuck it up.”

“You know a lot about this.” Steve looked over at her, eyes wide with wonder. 

“I’ve been around the block a few times. Are you feeling better about this?”

Steve paused. “Yeah, I think I am. A lot better.”

Steve’s mind was racing as he walked home, trying to work through everything at once. When he opened the door, Bucky had already ordered dinner. Both of them had missed the advent of Chinese food (the commercial American kind, of course) and they had exhausted the resource ever since. Bucky had started eating, not waiting for Steve but expecting him. Steve wasn’t offended. He would have done the same. 

“How’s Nat?” Bucky asked. The TV was on. It was playing one of those shows that you can catch at any time of day. Some horribly unrealistic “reality” piece where everyone was screaming and talking over each other for no reason. 

Steve often joked that Bucky could smell people on him, but it was half true. He knew who Steve had been around at any given time. He had these heightened senses, now. Not much, but he picked up on things that most people didn’t. Couldn’t. 

“Good. I just needed to talk. She says that you two fight.” Steve kept it concise, through bites of his spring roll. 

“I didn’t freak you out, did I?”

“When have you ever done that?” Steve replied. “Did you pick this up?”

“Yeah, I did. The delivery guy always leaves it in questionable condition.” Bucky nodded. 

“Did you take my bike?”

“No. I took the subway. I wore a coat and gloves, so don’t worry about anyone clocking me. It’s cold, anyways. I’m always afraid that I’ll fuck up your bike every time I ride it. I think I’ll short circuit it or something.” Bucky laughed, still pulling the fibres of the wool glove from his metal arm. That was a major oversight. 

“Was it busy?” Steve was half-engaged, still focusing most of his attention on the food. 

“Not really. One of those street preacher guys was pushing his luck, though. Yelling his heart out at some unassuming gay couple. I already hate loud noises. We had a talk.” Bucky muttered. Hey, look at that. Steve didn’t even have to start the conversation. The thought entered his mind for a second that Nat might have been giving them the same advice, but it didn’t seem to hold up. Bucky wouldn’t lie about this. 

“Did you hit him?”

“Didn’t have to. He backed off. He was old. Probably thought I was going to agree with him.” Bucky almost laughed. 

Steve nodded, thinking over his next move. “What about the couple?”

“What about ‘em?” Bucky seemed almost defensive.

“Did they say anything?” Steve proceeded. 

“Yeah, they thanked me about a hundred times. Doesn’t matter. I didn’t do it to be thanked.” Bucky answered, softer now. 

“What do you think about that?”

Bucky was almost stunned. “About them bein’ gay? None of my business. I don’t see why people need to scream about it when it’s not hurting them.”

He breathed out, looked down at the coffee table, and then:

“Sometimes I wish that we could be like that. Like a couple. We’d have way less to worry about.”

Steve put his hand on Bucky’s arm, hesitant. Steve knew what he felt like. He’d been feeling that way for much too long. It was the clearest he could have been. 

“We can, you know.” Steve said, so gently. He was scared, but it was the most alive he’d felt since he’d gotten out of the ice. 

Bucky made a face, looking back up at Steve with that stupid, goofy smile. “I don’t think it works that way. Not for us.” 

“What makes you say that?”

Bucky shook his head. “Not quite sure. I think I’d live with you forever. I’ve practically always planned for it. I’d be fine with the other stuff... I could do it, I think. I just don’t think I’m built that way. Everyone who talks about this says they spent their entire lives knowing, they just had to tell everyone else. I don’t think I’ve ever felt it. I don’t feel any way about it. I could see myself being with a lot of people, I could sleep with any girl and have no problem. But then there’s you. You’re this broken cog in my perfect machinery. It’s always been you.” 

The two were quiet for a moment, Steve never removing his hand from Bucky’s arm. 

Finally, Steve broke the silence. “I know. I feel the same way. There aren’t any rules to it. We can.” 

Bucky nodded. “Let me think on it, okay? I need some time to think.”


	3. Deserving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny emetophobia tw
> 
> This one is shorter, but enjoy nonetheless! I promise that there’s actually going to be the smut promised, I just got sidetracked by all the self reflection bs.

Bucky dodged a punch that would have landed square on his chest, and Nat stumbled from the momentum. Bucky took the opportunity. Nat blocked, thinking on her feet. She landed a punch to Bucky’s stomach and took the millisecond of confusion it granted her to try another at his chest. Bucky caught it, flipping her onto her back. Nat hit the mat hard, laughing as she did. 

“That time was fair and square, y’ have to admit. And on that note, I’m taking a water break.” Bucky hopped over the ropes of the boxing ring with surprising agility, grabbing his water bottle from the ground. 

“What, afraid of getting your ass kicked?” Nat teased, propping herself up on her elbows. 

Bucky downed a gulp of water. “No, just thirsty.”

Nat picked herself up, shaking out her body. Though he’d never intend to, Bucky had the strength to snap something, and she was waiting for the day that he finally did. She couldn’t wait to rub it in his face. Still, she had the advantage over half the time. Not only was she strategically better, Bucky was softer with everyone nowadays. He was afraid. She knew it. It showed in the way he flinched after throwing a punch, how he’d tuck his metal arm behind his back in jest half the time. Bucky had something to lose, now. It was making him weak. 

“How come you never fight Steve?” She knew the answer, but it would’ve felt nice to have Bucky open up to her for once in his life. 

Bucky responded in Russian. He often defaulted back around her, even if his all American boy persona was pretty damn convincing. “He’s predictable. I taught him to fight. I know exactly what he’s going to do.” 

Nat nodded. “And who taught you?” 

“Steve. Someone had to keep him out of trouble.” Bucky responded, this time in English. “And you?”

“I’d rather not talk about it. They sure aren’t my twin flame combat buddy, that’s for sure. You’re lucky that I even let you practice with me.” Nat responded, leaning over the ropes. 

Bucky took another sip of water. “It’s a good thing that you go easy on me then, right?”

“You haven’t seen half of me. With all of this technology that can pinpoint your exact next move and map out your fighting style on a neat little moodboard, I’d rather keep it a guarded secret.” Nat laughed. 

Bucky put his water bottle down, leaning back so that Nat was staring down at his face. 

“We have too many secrets, you and I.” Russian again. As if that in itself needed to be protected. 

Nat responded to Bucky’s Russian in the same language. “Sometimes I wonder about you.”

“What? Think I’ll go rogue?” He half-joked, keeping an eye on Nat’s face, scanning it for any sliver of doubt. He was trying to be gentle. He was trying to be better. Not everyone saw that. 

“Nothing like that. Just... why you do the things you do. Why you’ve changed the way you’ve changed.” She readied herself, watching Bucky step back into the ring. 

“How have I changed?” Bucky threw the first punch, which Nat dodged easily, faking him out and knocking him to the floor easily. 

“Like that. You’ve been reserving yourself more. You barely fight, let alone fight back. I can take it, you know.” Nat told him, smirking at him while he jumped to his feet. 

“It isn’t that. I know that you can. I just-“

“You’re beating yourself up for it. Literally. Think you deserve every punch you take, so you barely throw the ones you can.” Nat shrugged. 

“Something like that. Everyone is so nice to me these days. I don’t think I deserve it. There’s the matter of my past, but even without that I’m indecisive, and useless, not to mention stuck in the past-“

“I’m going to put it simply. You could be the least deserving person on earth and people would still care about you because we’re all entirely driven by our emotions. Wether we want to admit it or not, everyone makes completely irrational decisions every day. And if those decisions help others out, no matter how undeserving, the least the recipient can do is return the favour. Maybe in that process of giving and recieving you’ll become a good person. Maybe you’ll even start believing it. Either way, nobody can tell if you’re ‘really’ good or not because you’re doing something nice. That’s all that matters. That someone else is happy as a result of your actions, even if you have a million people who want to kill you. Same thing I told Steve when he woke up, and look at him. He gives, doesn’t he?” Nat sat in the silence that followed, letting Bucky think it over. 

“Every time I take the subway I hope that someone figures out who I am. I hope that that preacher screams at me. I hope that some drunk guy throws up all over me. I hope that I get all of the karma coming to me, in hopes that I’ll someday deserve him.” Bucky confessed, shaking his head. 

Nat nodded. 

“It’s stupid. I know that it’ll never make up for everything. Hell, I can’t even remember all of it. I just want to wake up in a warm bed one day and feel like I deserve it.”

“It doesn’t go away. Not easily. I used to sleep on the bathroom floor every night. I used to wish that I could sleep in a bed, or eat a hot meal, or go out on a date without feeling guilty. I’m still working on it. There are beds in prison, Bucky. Even a tyrannical government realizes that the most evil people deserve a bed, at least for a bit. Everyone does. Just because you didn’t have your basic needs back then doesn’t mean that you get to abandon them now.” 

“Will we ever deserve love?” Bucky asked, hushed now, as if the question was a glass egg. 

“As long as there are people willing to provide it, we’re deserving of love.”


	4. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just self indulgent. My full permissions to get off to it. Sorry.

Weeks later, Steve was beginning to think that he wasn’t going to get an answer. Maybe Bucky was afraid of hurting his feelings, and that was fine. The problem was the fact that it was worse to wait. Bucky knew that. He knew Steve. 

Steve was coming back from a shorter mission, absolutely wiped out. He was planning to collapse as soon as he was home, not even considering food or a shower. Though, the soft lighting and smell as soon as he opened his door told him that he might have had other plans. 

Bucky never made dinner. At least not anymore with their wildly conflicting schedules and access to takeout. 

Bucky making dinner meant that he needed an excuse to keep Steve awake long enough to tell him something. 

“Hey. You didn’t need to do all of this.” Steve half-laughed. 

“I wanted to. I get bored when they ship you off without me, y’know.” Bucky replied, and, in what seemed like perfect timing, plated the chicken that had seemed to have just left the oven. 

“It’s only the same boredom I’ve been feeling for half my life, Buck. Though, I guess it’s been less than that, now.” Steve quipped back, elbowing him.

“Right. Well, sit down, you look about ready to pass out.” 

Steve didn’t protest, grabbing his food and taking a seat on their couch. There wasn’t room for a dining room table in their apartment and frankly they would never use it if there was. 

“Suppose there’s something you want to tell me.” Steve said, mouth full of food. Bucky was just settling in, and the look on his face told Steve that he was right. 

“Yeah. I guess there is. I’m betting you know what it’s about, too. I would’ve talked to you sooner, but I’m new to all of this, and I didn’t want to jump the gun. So, essentially, my feelings for you are... definitely less than platonic. I did some research and it pretty much just ended up confirming what I already knew. I don’t know where to go from here, though. I might not be cut out for a relationship right now, and I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship if things go south. That’s not to say that I don’t want something, though.”

Steve felt like he could finally breathe for the first time in two weeks. “That’s fine. I don’t care if nothing changes, or if you want to work up to it slowly, whatever you need. I wouldn’t really know where to start, honestly.”

“I want to work up to it. I’d be upset if it didn’t happen in my lifetime, it just needs to happen properly.” Bucky told him with a smile. 

Steve simply nodded, finishing off his food. 

“So, what next?” Bucky asked, made uncomfortable by Steve’s silence. 

“Next? I’m going to sleep. This was great, but I’m tired, Buck.” Steve brought his plate into the kitchen, stretching as he placed it in the dishwasher. 

Bucky nodded, watching him go. 

...

Steve was always surprised when he didn’t wake up sore after a day of work. At this rate, he thought he’d be used to it, but his mind had never gotten the memo. Sure, he didn’t expect as many consequences when he exerted himself, but this had to be the strangest piece of it. 

Bucky was already awake beside him, reading by the natural sunlight that was already flooding through their windows. Steve alerted him to his presence by snuggling in closer, trying to soak up the last of the heat from the morning. 

“Morning, Steve.” Bucky said, under his breath. 

“How long have you been awake?” Steve asked, through a yawn. 

“Not long.” Bucky shrugged, “wanted to wait for you.” 

“Aw, Bucky, you’re a doll.” Steve half joked, settling with his head on Bucky’s lap. 

“I’m not. That’s kind of the point of all this.” He laughed in response, turning his attention away from the book. “What are you doing?”

Steve shifted a bit. “Cuddling. What should I be doing?”

“Nothing. I just thought-“ Bucky paused. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“Just ask for it. If you want-“

“I do. Something. Not sure exactly how...” Bucky admitted. 

Steve nodded. “Start out like you usually do. We can build on that. Maybe do some research together later, if that’s up your alley.” 

Bucky was fidgeting at the buckle of his pants. “I’ve never- this is all new. Have you ever watched-“

“A few times, out of curiosity. Repressed it, mostly.” Steve responded, watching him eagerly. He reckoned that his face was already red. He didn’t do a great job of hiding his attraction. 

“I might’ve, at some point. When I was the winter soldier they used it as a humiliation tactic, mostly. It was one of their less brutal jokes. They’d show me anything, really. Gore, porn, whatever got a reaction out of me. I don’t recall liking or disliking any of it, that part is a blur. I’m just not sure what reaction you’ll get outta me now.” Bucky finally undid the buckle, talking about everything as if it was yesterday’s brunch, not seventy years of repeated trauma. 

“Bucky, I’m sorry...” Steve started. 

“Don’t be. This wasn’t heavy or anything. I’m not going to freak out. I just don’t know if it’ll turn me on.” Bucky shrugged, unzipping his pants and running his hand down along his boxers. 

“Shit.” Steve felt all of the blood in his body rush decidedly down. 

“Just that? Jesus, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

“Only my entire life. Just- keep going.”

Bucky stuck to rubbing himself through his underwear, as if to tease Steve, just like last time. Only this time he knew. Fully knew. He was slow and rhythmic, so intentional, and Steve was dizzy with attraction. He’d slept in his jeans- bad idea in hindsight- and it was almost more painful than last time. 

“You’re such a tease!“ Steve began to protest, only to be muffled by Bucky’s hand clasping his mouth. 

“Got somewhere to be, Rogers?” Sly, as always, but this context gave a whole new life to Bucky’s years of snide remarks. 

A muffled “fuck you” could be distinctly heard. 

In response, Bucky stuck his fingers in Steve’s mouth. Two of them. It wasn’t forceful, but it took Steve aback for a second. Bucky still had a hand over his boxers, and his fingers. Were. In . Steve’s. Mouth. 

Steve ran his tongue over them, exploring, pulling them in further. Bucky grabbed his dick though his underwear. Steve could see the outline. Steve switched to his knees, sitting the backs of his feet, grinding into his hand like his life depended on it. Bucky pulled both his pants and boxers down under his ass, as if in response, pulling his fingers from Steve’s mouth and placing his hand on Steve’s inner thigh. It was the flesh hand, the one with a bit more dexterity and control, which meant that he was jerking himself off now with the metal one. He didn’t often put that much trust into it, which meant that this was desperation, or a desire to really feel Steve, or both. 

Steve was sweating now, so he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the side, which really caught Bucky’s attention. 

“Look at you...”

“You’ve seen me before.” Steve pointed out, unsure if Bucky would even let him speak. 

“I know, just this way... it’s a bit different. I haven’t seen you hard, either, which I guess you could show me if you want to. That thing with the hand- that wasn’t too far, was it? I’m sorry if I overstepped.” 

“No, I liked it. I like when you’re a bit mean, I think.” Steve responded. 

Bucky slowed his hand. “Was it mean?” 

“Not mean- I liked it.” 

Bucky nodded, returning to his normal pace. He slid his hand up on Steve’s thigh, and glanced up to see him nod before he ran it feather light over his dick. Behind two layers, Steve felt it and pushed into it, grinding desperately for anything, any amount of pressure that could relieve the soreness. Bucky felt Steve’s cock twitch against him. He was incredibly hard with so little release. 

Bucky took Steve’s hand. “Want to help me out?” 

Steve nodded, not needing any more instruction than that. He straddled himself over Bucky’s leg and grabbed his dick, slow strokes from the bottom at first and then a bit more pressure, checking in with Bucky’s facial expressions to make sure that he was doing everything right. The thing was that he knew Bucky. He’d had all of his sweet spots memorized for decades, all he needed was an opportunity, which he had. Bucky was liquid under his touch, eyes closed, hips rolling easily, a stream of unintelligible words pouring from his mouth. 

Then, “Steve, I’m gonna-“

“Alright.”

“Are you okay with that?” 

Steve was almost taken aback. “Yeah. That’s perfectly fine with me.”

Steve was slow and soft, guiding him to it, and Bucky came into Steve’s hand. Steve dismounted his leg, sitting back on the bed, still hard and still clothed. 

“You as hard as you were when we started?” Bucky asked, eyes half lidded. 

“Yes.” Steve responded, hand draped over his inner thigh. 

“Want to get off for me? Or are you going to take a shower?” Bucky continued. 

“Can I please get off for you? Where do you want me?”

“Right over there, on the chair. I want to see all of you. Can I talk to you? Instruct you?” Bucky asked, propping himself up a bit, still messy. He pointed to the chair opposite the bed. 

Steve obeyed, sitting down. “Sure, go ahead.” He waited. 

“Lose the pants, please? I want to see how hard you are.”

Steve did as he was told. He squirmed, quite hard, and almost pained at the loss of pressure. 

“You can get fully naked, if you want. You look so eager to touch yourself. Just start slowly. Don’t over indulge.” Bucky told him. 

Steve pulled off his boxers quickly, a heavy amount of precum already dripping down his dick. He was ready as all hell and hard as a rock to boot, flustered as he ran his fingers slowly down his cock. He whined, head rolling back. 

“Good. Would you keep teasing yourself? I don’t want to let you cum too soon.” Bucky was already becoming hard again, just watching Steve. 

Steve nodded, legs shaking as he did exactly as he was told. His breathing was heavy- if he wanted to get a word out he couldn’t. 

“Harder, now, but only because you look so desperate.” 

Steve hardly waited until the words were out of Bucky’s mouth. He grabbed his dick, moaning louder as he did. More precum dripped from him, which was accompanied by his hips jolting up. It was clear that Steve was close. 

“Bucky-“

“I know. Slower now. Hold off. For me.” 

Steve groaned, but still went lighter, his dick aching as his hips slowed. 

“C’mere.” Bucky was fully hard, now, and Steve stood from the chair and straddled his leg again. “I want to make you finish. Okay?” 

Steve nodded, and Bucky’s metal hand was gripping his cock soon after, bringing him to finish. Steve was spent, his breath returning to normal as he sat, mouth agape, on Bucky’s leg. He was perfectly vulnerable, and Bucky saw a glimmer of the person Steve used to be so long ago. Soft, helpless, but so aware. So able to hold his own, even when he was being pushed around and commanded. Bucky felt guilty, almost, to reduce him to that, but soon enough Steve was climbing off of him and placing a tender kiss right on his jaw. Without speaking, Bucky knew that Steve was just fine.


End file.
